This week we walked through a tragedy like nothing we have experienced before. I was only 7 weeks pregnant when I woke up on Tuesday morning and started to miscarry our baby. In January we were shocked to discover this life had been conceived. We quickly grew excited at the thought of another blessing in our family.
Now it is Valentines Day and I've never felt more sad and loved than I do in this moment. I have learned a few things this week and because miscarriage is a somewhat common tragedy (and let me just say that its commonality does not make it any easier to face), I thought it might be of benefit to share what was taught to me.
1. Celebrate life! It is a good thing that we celebrated this life when we learned about it. Shortly after a positive test, we shared the good news with our closest friends. Of course there was the little voice of "what if..." that entered my mind anytime we shared. But we couldn't contain our excitement and we so badly wanted to be lifted up by those in our daily life. During the miscarriage it was easy to look back and feel embarrassed that we shared the news "prematurely." But, if we really do believe that life begins at conception, then why wouldn't we want to celebrate it with loved ones? Why wouldn't we want to invite others to pray for this life and for us? In the power of Christ I am able to cast out that shame and thank those who celebrated with us this little life.
2. Grieve what is lost. I also felt really embarrassed by how sad I felt in the midst of the miscarriage. As I would spontaneously sob, I wrestled inwardly between the lie that culture tells me, "it's just an embryo...just tissue...how foolish I am to have gotten excited, to have hoped and dreamed;" and the truth that it was a beautiful life with purpose. As small as it was and as short as it lived, it glorified our God. How glorious! It is a sorrowful thing to miscarry. Walking in the truth gave me freedom to grieve and to trust that God would turn my mourning into dancing all in His perfect time. I am blessed for having been persecuted by the lies of the enemy. I am blessed for being pure in heart and seeing God as creator of life. I am blessed to mourn and to be comforted.
3. Presence is powerful. The ministry of presence to one who is grieving is a powerful thing. I am so honored by those who just came and sat by my side. Some cried with me. Some laughed with me. Some spoke truth and life to me. Some brought bubble tea. Some brought flowers. Not one visitor came to try and fix the situation, they just came to be by me and to represent a greater Love. All were extensions of grace and glimpses of the everlasting and ever present Comforter. I now know the power of presence and hope to minister more often by it.
4. God's love is better than life ya'll! Psalm 63:3 is for real! On Wednesday morning I was reminding myself by teaching Maven that God's gifts are so good, but none of them compare to His love. His gifts are not better than His nearness. His gifts are not more glorious that He is. It's what we teach in Kids Village every week: God knows what's best. God gives what's best. God does what's best. God IS what's best. And while Maven is a pretty awesome gift, she is not better than God's love for me. The same truth was applied to my heart by the Spirit this week as my pregnancy came to an unexpected end. He is better than being pregnant. He is better than having a baby. This truth will change how I love my friends who are struggling with infertility. This truth will also change how I love my friends who have beautiful children that we can talk about all day. He is better ya'll! I wanna talk about His love...His perfectly sustaining love. When faced every day with the temptation to love His gifts more than Him, I want to be reminded that His love is better. To love Him is better. I pray this truth carries over into the rest of my life.
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